Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize