I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
