She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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