Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
