you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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