Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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