he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
