someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
