you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
