she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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