a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Damn victory sex feels great
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
