i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
