y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
