The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize