oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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