I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
