Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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