good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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