Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
