Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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