My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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