I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
