my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
