Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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