Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
