just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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