dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
