How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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