she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
