If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize