3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Small penises have feelings too.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
