tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My balls are so social today.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
