What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
