Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
