that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize