there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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