Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
