i barfeds in our rink
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
