She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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