i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
