I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
