I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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