Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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