A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Acid is not a monday night drug
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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