Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
