Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
