Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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