Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
