You're so nebulous sometimes
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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