saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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