i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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