Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
