You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
