i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize