In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
