i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
