sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
