im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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