Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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