We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
