Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
