so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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