he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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