im having a threesome with these popsicles
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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