I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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