I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
