i don't plan on having that self control this summer
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
