My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I deserve this hangover.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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