Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
