i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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