69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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